I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
