I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
