just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
