Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
nutella sex= disaster
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
