she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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