Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
