Rock
Scissors
Fuck
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
