If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
