You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
