My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
