I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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