I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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