she smelled like a LAN party
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
