my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
