Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
