Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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