Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
