My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
