also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
