South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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