I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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