I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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