He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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