That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
