I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
