I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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