A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
