Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
