Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
