but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
