there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
tequila makes me forget i have legs
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
