I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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