he wants to bone in the snuggie
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
