the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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