I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
