Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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