Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I wear drunk well.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
