i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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