just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
