happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
