we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
