Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just google imaged poop.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
