shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
