so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
