Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
