I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
