It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
