end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
