i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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