I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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