I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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