Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
