I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I am mentally ready for anal.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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