Where did you get a picture of my penis
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize