i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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